


Talk Me Down

by blackpink_trash_queen



Series: The SoonChan Diaries [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, also soft hoshi is soft for chan, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks, mentions of insomnia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-19 17:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13708983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackpink_trash_queen/pseuds/blackpink_trash_queen
Summary: Chan has a panic attack, and Soonyoung is able to help this time.





	Talk Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaay~ look who FINALLY updated this after months of promising there would be another part.  
> i know i know. i am the worst. feel free to yell at me in the comments. 
> 
> (also there are pretty graphic details of a panic attack, so please read at your own caution) 
> 
> -Gabby

Chan didn’t know what to do.

He could feel the tightness in his chest slowly start to creep in as he bent over. His hands on his knees as he sucked in large amounts of air in hopes of combatting the feeling of dread that was creeping in.

He could feel the numbness in his fingertips as the hazy fog that came before a panic attack slowly began to set in.

He took a deep breath, holding it and counting to five before slowly breathing out. Just the way his therapist had taught him to do. And usually it helped.

But right now all he could think about was the fact that he couldn’t get anything right.

He had messed up several times during practice with the others. And even now, on his own, he kept messing up.

But he had to get it right. He had to.

Even if that meant staying in the studio all night until his muscles were too sore for him to feel it anymore.

So he took another deep breath, and forced the fog away as the music looped back around and started from the beginning again.

********

Soonyoung could see the tell tale signs that something was wrong.

He knew by now that Chan had certain tells, certain habits, that made themself known whenever Chan was struggling.

Like the way he peeled at the dry skin on his lips until they bled just a little bit.

Or the way Chan picked at the skin around the edge of his nails, pulling the skin until it was raw.

They were small things that, to anyone else, probably seemed like just small nervous habits. Nothing unusual. Most idols had some sort of nervous habit they did, so they typically went unnoticed.

But Soonyoung knew that when Chan started doing these things, it meant he wasn’t sleeping or that his anxiety was acting up and that his nervous energy needed an outlet.

So when Soonyoung noticed the raw edges of Chan’s thumb during dinner, he made a mental note to ask him how he was doing later that night.

He had been fully prepared to pull him aside when they got back to the dorms and smother him in affection until he felt better. So he was more than surprised when he realized that Chan wasn’t with them.

He went through all the rooms one by one, asking if anyone had seen him only to be told that they hadn’t.

Soonyoung let out a frustrated groan as he let himself collapse onto the couch. “Where did he disappear to?”

“Who disappeared?”

Soonyoung jumped at the sound of the voice behind him. His head turning to see that it was Jeonghan standing in the middle of the hallway with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Chan,” Soonyoung said, trying his best to hide the worry on his face as he looked at Jeonghan. “He isn’t here, and no one seems to know where he went.”

Jeonghan dropped the towel he had been using to dry his hair around his shoulders as he spoke. “He said he was going back to the studio to work on the dance some more. Said he wanted to work out that one spot he kept missing.”

The words hit Soonyoung like a ton of bricks to his face.

He should have known that’s where Chan would be. It’s where he always went when he was feeling restless.

 

******

 

Chan laid on the floor, a sheen of sweat covering every inch of his body as he breathed in out at a rapid pace. His heart beating hard and loud in his chest.

He had finally figured out the footwork that he had gotten caught up in earlier, and he could feel the relief of it wash over him in a palpable way.

But he could still feel the numbness in his fingertips as he let the hardwood floor of the studio cool his overheating body.

He let his palms lay flat on the floor as he took a deep breath in and held it until he couldn’t anymore.

He did his best to let the breath back out slowly, but it came out in a stuttered rush as he felt his chest tighten.

He hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt the tears slide down the side of his face and hit his shoulders. But once he was aware of it, he couldn’t stop.

The tears just kept coming in silent waves. His breathing hitching every now and then as he tried to calm himself down enough to sit up. But the thought of moving made the panic set in even more as every muscle in his body protested the idea.

So he laid there and cried, a dull ache in his chest reminding him that he needed to breathe so he didn’t pass out from lack of oxygen.

Chan curled his hands into fists, pressing hard until he could feel his nails digging into the palms of his hands. A reminder that they were still there even though he couldn’t feel them yet.

  _In, and then out._

Chan tried his best to get his breathing under control, but the fog in his head and the tightness in his chest were pressing in on him in a way that made him feel like he was floating. Like there was nothing to hold him down anymore and that if he gave into it, he could just float away.

He did this until the feeling in his fingertips slowly began to come back, only vaguely aware of the distant sound of a door opening down the hall.

 

*******

 

Soonyoung was panting by the time he reached the door to the practice room. His face flushed from running all the way from the dorms.

He took a minute to let his breathing slow down before opening the door, his stomach dropping when he saw Chan lying on the floor.

He could see his chest rising and falling in a five beat pattern. The one Chan used when he was having a panic attack and trying to calm himself back down.

The sight made Soonyoung’s heart feel cold and his legs feel like they were going to fall out from underneath him.

He wasn’t sure if Chan had heard him come in, since his eyes were still closed and he hadn’t made any motion of acknowledgement when the door had closed.

Soonyoung was careful not to make any sort of loud noise as he walked to the center of the floor where Chan was. Knowing full well that startling him when he was in the middle of a panic attack could make it worse.

He had done that once before and it had to have been one of the worst feelings in the world, knowing he had made something that was already awful, worse, because of his carelessness.

He waited until he was just a few feet away from Chan, slowly sliding down to sit next to him before he spoke. “Chan? Can you hear me?”

Soonyoung’s voice was soft, just barely above a whisper, as he reached his hand out slowly to touch the hand closest to him. A little wave of shock going through him at how cold Chan’s hands were.

Chan made a noise in the back of his throat. Something that sounded like a ‘yeah’ but not quite. But that’s all Soonyoung needed.

He knew that Chan knew he was there, and that he would talk to him when he was ready. So he waited, his hand instinctively reaching up to run through Chan’s hair in a soothing motion. Not too firm, but not too soft either. Just enough for Chan to be able to feel it and know that he wasn’t alone.

Chan had told him once before that talking during a panic attack was too much, that he preferred to just have someone sit with him and play with his hair gently until he calmed down enough to talk.

It had made Soonyoung feel better knowing what he could do to help Chan during his panic attacks. Remembering how useless he had felt in the early days, before Chan had told him about his anxiety and how it kept him from sleeping for long periods of time. He never wanted to feel that useless again, so he had made it a point to learn as much as he could about the ways he could help Chan.

  


*****

 

Chan wasn’t sure how much time had passed, or how long Soonyoung had been there for, when his breathing finally calmed down enough that he didn’t feel like his lungs were going to collapse.

He had been aware of Soonyoung’s gentle hand in his hair, and the way Soonyoung hummed under his breath softly.

Chan was pretty sure that Soonyoung wasn’t even aware he was doing it. It was just one of those habits Soonyoung did whenever he was comforting someone else, and it always made Chan feel safe. It reminded him of the way his mother would sing to him before bed when he was little. So he let himself lay there and enjoy it for just a little bit longer before opening his eyes.

Chan waited a second before turning his head to look at Soonyoung, his eyes squinting slightly as the bright lights of the studio made little spots dance in front of his eyes. A dull ache starting to form at the back of his eyes from crying for so long.  

“Hyung.” Chan's voice was soft as he nudged Soonyoung with his hand, not wanting to startle him.

Soonyoung looked down at Chan, his humming stopped as he smiled. “How ya doing Channie?”

Chan let himself take in a deep breath before responding. “Better. Still feel off though.”

Chan could feel his chest tighten slightly as he tried to push the anxiety away again.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Soonyoung asked, scooting closer just slightly so that his leg was pressed along Chan's side.

Chan shook his head, his eyes closing as he breathed through his nose and held it.

He could feel the tightness slowly seep through him, weighing him down as he pressed closer into Soonyoung. The physical contact helping him feel less like he was floating away.

It took several minutes for the last of the anxiety to fade away and for Chan to feel like he could talk again. “I think I'm okay now.”

 

*****

 

Soonyoung let his hand rest at the back of Chan's head, which was now resting on his leg as Chan's breathing continued to slow back down to a normal pace.

“Do you wanna go home and try to rest for a little bit?” Soonyoung was careful with his wording. Knowing that sometimes the stress of being able to sleep sometimes made Chan feel more anxious.

But Chan nodded, his face moving against Soonyoung’s leg in a way that reminded him of a puppy rubbing its face on someone. “Can I sleep with you tonight Hyung?”

The words made a warmth spread through Soonyoung’s chest. “Of course you can Channie. Come on, let’s go home.”

Soonyoung stood up, reaching out to help Chan up from the floor before walking back to the dorms together.

It was silent when they opened the door, something that didn’t happen often with thirteen boys living in one house.

“Do you wanna shower tonight or in the morning?” Soonyoung asked as they quietly made their way to his room.

“Mmm.” Was all Chan said as Soonyoung opened the door, his eyes already closed halfway as he stumbled through the room, landing on the bed face first.

Soonyoung laughed, a fondness filling him as he watched Chan scoot over on the bed. “I’ll take that as a no for showering tonight.”

Soonyoung quickly went in search for clean clothes for both of them, coming up with a pair of shorts and a t-shirt each.

“Here,” Soonyoung tossed the clothes at Chan, laughing when they landed on his head,” don’t sleep in your dirty clothes, you’ll regret it tomorrow.”

Chan made an uncommental sound as he sat up, his arms pulling his dirty shirt over his head. He quickly pulled the clean on one, not bothering to put on the shorts as he pulled his jeans off and rolled over to the other side of the bed.

“You’re ridiculous.” Soonyoung laughed as he changed out of his own clothes. Watching as Chan struggled to pull the blanket up over his head as he climbed in next to him.

Soonyoung took pity on Chan, pulling the blanket over both of them as he settled himself into bed. “Come on, let’s sleep now.”

 Chan let out a content sound as he pressed himself closer to Soonyoung, their legs tangling together as they fell asleep.

  
  



End file.
